I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
