OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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