I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
