She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize