I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
