I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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