yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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