Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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