The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize