He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
