erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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