Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
