the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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