theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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