Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
