I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
