I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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