What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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