Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
