I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
