Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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