first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
