I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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