Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
