i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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