Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
