His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
