I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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