you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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