Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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