I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
