I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
