you guys were way drunker than both of me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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