I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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