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So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
