I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
