you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
