Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
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Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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