Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
