I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
