A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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