dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
