I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he thought i was a dude.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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