all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
