If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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