Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
