I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
