I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
