good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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