Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
