Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
