Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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