How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize