Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
