I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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