i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
