This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
