Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dick very happy bro
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
