So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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