We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
