I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
