His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
