i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
