tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
