What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
