Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
