Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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