like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
