3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize