Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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