you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
