i already hear my dad disowning me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
