Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize