you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
