how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
