Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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