Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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