i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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