dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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