i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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