It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
