I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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